Being pregnant has not been easy as far as my body image. I dealt with an eating disorder when I was younger, and the effects of that have taken years for me to fully recover from.
Before my pregnancy, I was in a good place as far as my feelings about my body. Junior and senior year of high school, I began to have more confidence. By the time I went into college, I generally had an idea of what my body was like and accepted it even if it wasn’t perfect.
I was around 130-140 lbs, and I was fine with that range. Now, at this point (college) I wasn’t working out a lot- or at all basically lol, but I could stay around that weight without really trying. I had just gotten used to being thin without having to think about it. So then, fast-forward to several months later, I’m at my highest weight ever, having gained 35 lbs, and not feeling too great about my body anymore. I’ve looked back at old pictures and said to myself “wow, I was really hot then and I didn’t even realize it! I looked good!” I liked my body. I accepted that I was probably just going to have small boobs (lol thanks pregnancy for making those grow). I accepted that I was about a size 4/6 and that was a healthy size for me. At this point, I appreciated my body– and then everything changed.
But here’s the thing: I’m still hot! I don’t have to be skinny to be attractive- not that it really even matters how “hot” I am. I’m pregnant, and I’m allowed to gain weight. I don’t have to fit anyone’s definition of “attractiveness” because it doesn’t matter. But it does help that Eric still tells me how beautiful I am even when I feel huge. I have so many mixed feelings about my body image right now, but I’m trying to be positive and tell myself that I’m allowed to look however I do right now and that’s okay. Everything has gotten bigger. My thighs, butt, boobs, and belly are all a lot larger than they used to be. I had to take out my belly button piercing that I just got a year ago because my belly getting wider and I don’t want it to stretch the skin there too much. I’ve had to buy larger clothes, because nothing fits anymore. But as uncomfortable as I may be having to look at this unfamiliar body and buying new clothes to fit it, I know this baby is going to be worth it. I can’t let myself hate my body right now because it is growing a human!! That’s so awesome that I can do that! So instead of wallowing in sadness that I’m gaining weight, I’m going to just simply accept it. I’m not going to starve myself like I used to, I’m not going to tell myself how huge I look, I’m just going to accept that my body is growing and that’s okay. I don’t have to be happy about these changes; that would be fake to say that I’m completely fine with all this happening. But to just say: this is happening, and it’s okay. I don’t have to look the same as I did 6 months ago.
These were taken March 4 (before I was pregnant) and September 13 (6 months). A lot has changed between these two pictures, but I put them here to make a point: my body has changed, but I look cute in both! And that’s gonna be my mindset as I go through this journey of being a mom.